I'm not afraid...

She was young...

only 63.

and I miss her so.

(Me and my Mom)

Lately, even more so...
maybe because I find myself in uncharted waters agian...
raising teenagers and a lovley daughter as well...
I have guestions, I could use some motherly advice, or just a
hug and a "you can do it kiddo", in her sweet voice,
on the days when I feel like I am completely failing
100% at everthing.


Words can not describe the ache in my heart still.

It has been 7 years since my Mom passed.

I talk to her, I talk about her...

I tell my kids how she was an amazing dancer.
I tell them that she had the biggest heart,
that she loved writing.

I tell them stories, the ones I can remember anyway.

I tell them because I miss her, I tell them so they don't forget her.
We release balloons on her birthday,
this always makes me smile.

 

She would be  proud of them.

She would think they are kind and beautiful.

I think she would say I was doing a good job...

that I was a good Mama

to my 3 Wishes.

I know she sees how much I love them...

Oh How she loved them!!!

 

I think she would be proud that I am not afraid.

That her death does not define my life,
in that I don't live in fear.
Her death changed my life for certain though.
I miss her, I miss her laugh, I miss holding her hand.

 

I don't think I will get cancer...

in fact I am quite convinced I won't.

It's not a cocky thing...
It's just...
maybe a way to cope...
being positive.
I know that I
 want to live bravely for my kiddos,
and
for her!
 

 

 So many of my family have died of cancer...

It makes me sad and while it does not

define me in my identity, it defines in me

a purpose, a wish perhaps,

that cancer would be no more.
 unrealistic, yes I know...

But wishes come true
 so I wish
 for

 new and better ways to prevent,
 treat and even a cure.

It is a good wish, yes?
 

  I miss her...

and it lingers on and always will.
 

Dance parties in the living room sound good tonight,

just like long ago in a brownstone in Brooklyn

when "Then Came You"

would begin to play

and like two children,

My Mom and Dad would begin to dance and

three little girls joined in

to twirl about.

My favorite memory of all.

No cancer,
 Just dancing and twirling.